In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
