its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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