I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Is it because I queefed?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
