the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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