Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
