Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
