You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
