I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
