So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
