TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
