I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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