he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
