She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
