Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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