Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
