why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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