you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
