No awkward lesbian experiences without me
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I smell like Dick and happiness
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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