Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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