You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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