I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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