Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
