Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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