OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
