she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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