New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
