I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just found puke in my bra..
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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