So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
