After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
