$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
