Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
