and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
