I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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