just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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