I accidentally burped into my bong.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
