I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
