From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
