I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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