so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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