Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize
