all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
