During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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