It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
