I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
