I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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