dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
