T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
