i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
