tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
