I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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