I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
